I can't resist staying up all night to watch the Olympics. I pretend that I'm one of them. I change my story to fit my current life. I have imaginary interviews while I wash the dishes. I proudly sing my national anthem. I surprise everyone with my gold medal combined with my undiscovered superstar voice. I set records. I'm a media darling. I'm a complete unknown. I'm the oldest figure skater to compete in the Olympics, and at 34 I am in stunning shape and I set world records and everyone wants to talk to me and praise me and give me money to endorse awesome products.
Its really fun. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of my lunacy, I just think that's its funny that I watch these beautiful and inspiring events while in a near vegetative state on my couch. Fold laundry? Too distracting. Sit ups? I don't want to make the athletes jealous. Do the dishes? Don't be ridiculous. It is all I can do to peel myself off the couch to pee. But, that gives me time to practice more interviews. Pep talks. Visualize my awesome outfits and my awesome bod. (That part is my favorite.)
Sometimes I'm a skier. I have a story for that. I'm an aerialist. My story for that is crazy. I'm a last minute alternate for the hockey team and I score the winning goal. After being in a coma. From saving the president from assassination. (That one isn't actually true. Well, none of them are "true", I just mean that I've never actually come up with that one. But there's still time. I do, after all, have to pee.)
5 comments:
Is it crazy to admit that I do the same thing?
Except not this olympics...I haven't watched any of it. I'm so sad!
One of my favorite posts! I read it three times. It's hilarious-along with being totally possible. I mean, we are talking about you, here. You're a superstar.
You can totally be on my imaginary curling team! I choose curling because it is the sport that I think I'm actually athletic enough to compete in. When I was little, I used to put a stool next to the counter, so that I could practice the parallel bars (apparently I didn't realize that it was a men's event)
Wow, I'm happy to hear of your obsession. :) I recall living with 3 roommates in a house with a red front door, and being mocked for my obsession with watching the olympics....
Our strategy for watching is to scream as loud as possible until the baby screams out of fear. At least that's what Angela's been doing....
Yay for you and being an olympic hero, just out of a coma after saving the president!
You are so funny. :-) It's like me singing in the shower, "Tomorrow, Tomorrow! I love you, Tomorrow! You're always a day away!" And in my daydream, I'm seven years old, starring on broadway as Annie, belting out my solo to a packed house of adoring fans. Which has been my fantasy, lo these past 30 years, since I was a real seven year-old, when Miss Novelli brought my second grade class to see Annie on Broadway. And I thought, "They should have cast me. I have curly hair." And the fact that I am, in fact, a 37 year-old, chubby housewife with an unimpressive singing voice, shouldn't be allowed to overshadow my moment of glory.
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